Life Update
I am incredibly lucky to have a supportive and loving family, an understanding job, and a doctor who is on my team. Capitalism, insurance companies, and my body, however, are still out to get me.
I had a plan.
It was a sound plan. It was a flexible plan. It was a researched plan. It was an impossible plan.
Eating the way I need to takes a lot of thought and effort. I don’t always have that to give now. Sometimes my options are to have an easy snack, or starve.
So I just don’t eat, and I’m hungry, and hurting, and miserable.
In the week I was able to keep up my dietary needs, not much changed.
My pain did not decrease as it had in the past. The muddy feeling in my muscles lifted a bit, but not to the extent I expected. I am still fighting the caffeine-withdrawal headache. My arm is still unreliable, irritating, annoying and painful.
My back is still… Everything that it was before… And more.
I started Physical Therapy
Although a thoroughly entertaining visit, I felt like we didn’t get far.
I was given 4 exercises to take home, (which I’ll address later), and in addition to the pain I was in, with the clicking, grinding, zapping, zinging, and radiating pain, I now have some very angry small muscles, because I’m doing the PT religiously.
It’s only been 4 days.
Did I Mention That My Hips Are Popping Out Now?
This has made it much more difficult to sit at my desk, or stand, or stay still, or change position.
I’ve had to reduce my hours more. We’re exploring FMLA and it’s confusing.
I’m going to lose my company insurance, and this seems like the biggest win in the week, because my insurance denied my MRI and requires 6 weeks of PT first, my insurance prevented me from using the PT that I want to because it’s not in network, and they can’t bill Medicaid without billing my insurance first.
I couldn’t get acupuncture for the same reason.
Medicaid told me they could no longer cover my child because I carry private insurance on them.
My insurance costs me $260 per month just to cover the kiddo and myself. I’m no longer making enough to cover rent. I still have almost $3000 left before I’ve met my deductible.
When I finally do meet my deductible, my copay will still be 20% of the few services I am allowed to have covered.
There is still so much to be said for Humans Healing Humans
I’m no longer a reliable teammate at work or home.
When I get up in the morning, I don’t know whether I’ll be able to go to work.
Will my arm be working today? Will my zinging legs fail me? How badly will my hips be popping out of place, and making it so painful to walk or stand? Will I be able to regulate my emotions while interacting with upset customers?
I’m so lucky to live in a town that has free back to school resources, and a kiddo that will let me get away with the $.99 Back-to-School sail at ARC.
This year we did the easiest back-to-school shopping and I am still completely spent after a 4-hour nap.
The Family Social at my kiddo’s school was absolutely brutal with floor seating, and no air conditioning.
I feel like this has completely taken over my life, and I suck at it.
I’m Failing
At Everything,
Everywhere,
All at Once.
Operation **Reclaim** Loveland 
What do you think?