Week Eight
Interpersonal Effectiveness
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Week Eight: DEAR MAN
Dialectial Behavioral Therapy (DBT) provides some excellent tools for interpersonal effectiveness in the non-toxic atmosphere.
This tool is especially useful for people who worry about not being heard, and is an excellent way of making requests, or getting your needs met, while respecting the person on the other side of the situation.
DEAR MAN takes practice. Print out the worksheet. Hang it on the wall. Give everyone copies to keep in their back pocket. You won’t remember it all on your own, especially not without practice.
Many DBT sources make this overly complicated. I’m going to try to keep it simple.
D– Describe the situation. Use facts, and avoid opinions (which may invoke untrue or incomplete narratives).
E– Express yourself using “I feel” statements to explain how the situation affects you.
A– Assert. Be direct. Don’t give maybes or deflect. Say what “is” and own it.
R– Reinforce positive interactions.
M– Mindful. Stay on track. Remember what the interaction is about. This will avoid side arguments or not getting anywhere.
A– Appear. Be in control of your person, including body language, tone, and attitude.
N– Negotiate. Be willing to give a little. Be willing to understand the needs of the other party and seek solutions that work for them as well.
The Exercise
If there is something you need from a member of your home, start the interaction using DEAR MAN, and work through all the pieces of it during the interaction.
If you’re in a situation where you aren’t seeing eye-to-eye with someone in your family, pull out DEAR MAN and use the steps together to keep the interaction fair, and make sure everyone’s needs are being met.
Identify TV or Movie situations that could have been changed with DEAR MAN.
Use your journal to reflect on how it went.
As always continue using skills from previous weeks.
References:
https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/dbt-interpersonal-effectiveness-skills
All perspectives and exercises on this site are the creation and property of Protyus A. Gendher. If you find, anywhere in this site, content that you find to be ableist, sexist, racist or otherwise harmful to a population, please alert the creator at protyusagendher@gmail.com.
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