Week Ten
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DBT Tools
Week Ten: GIVE and FAST
Two weeks ago you learned how to use the DBT tool DEAR MAN to interact with others in non-toxic ways. This week you’ll use the same worksheet (free download).
GIVE is the acronym used in DBT for “relationship effectiveness.”
I see GIVE as the rules of engagement dealing with the other person.
G– Gentle – Be approachable. Be kind. Don’t overreact.
I– Interested – Engage with what the other person is trying to say.
V– Validate – Validate and acknowledge the other person’s perspective. Understand if they draw boundaries.
E– Easy – Try to smile and be calm.
When both parties adhere to GIVE during interactions, it’s easy to avoid controlling, hurtful behaviors, or the loss of autonomy that comes from not being able to advocate for yourself.
FAST is the DBT tool for self-respect effectiveness.
I see FAST as the rules of engagement for ourselves.
F– Fair – Work toward fairness for everyone involved.
A– Apologies – Do not apologize unless you truly owe an apology.
S– Stick to Values – Refer to weeks 1 & 2.
T– Truthful – Don’t exaggerate or make yourself the martyr. Don’t bend or ignore the truth. Consider the facts of others. Don’t be manipulative.
Explore these as a family, and think back on your experience in the previous weeks.
Can you think of any examples in which using these tools might have led to different results? Role play how it went. Then role play using GIVE and FAST instead.
You can use TV examples if you need to. It’s about practicing this gentle approach and getting good at it. It can also be about having fun.
Spend a little time journaling afterward.
Are there any situations in your life where you look forward to using GIVE and FAST? Are there any situations when you wished you had GIVE and FAST as tools?
Keep practicing all of the tools you’ve learned so far. Only two more weeks and you’ll be graduating Level One!
All perspectives and exercises on this site are the creation and property of Protyus A. Gendher. If you find, anywhere in this site, content that you find to be ableist, sexist, racist or otherwise harmful to a population, please alert the creator at protyusagendher@gmail.com.
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