Zebra Files 32) Getting My Butt Kicked By Everything

Getting My Butt Kicked by Everything

These ideas are so much better Shared!!

I had done so well.

I was able to get ahead in blog post topics- scheduled ahead to post every two days. Then everything started kicking my butt and now I’m going to struggle to keep up again.

It’s a metaphor for the rest of my entire life.

It’s an example of how, yet again, my planning and effort are not sufficient.

My arm was cutting out too much for me to be at work. It was also cutting out too much for me to even type from home with breaks, AND it hurt SO bad.

I started Physical Therapy, and I have been very excited about it, and am participating with my whole spirit. Physical therapy has not been as positive about me.

My first day focused on my lower back and hips.

I’ve been diligent about the daily exercises- to the extent that I can tolerate them- and somedays they really help.

At first, they caused a very intense ache. Sometimes, they ignite my zaps and zings. Sometimes, the grinding is too much. Sometimes, we’re trying to work them, and my hips are popping out. Sometimes, it ignites a firestorm of muscle spasms and cramps.

My next session focused on the shoulder- and caused intense impingement symptoms, and clicking/popping, and extreme pain.

It was bad – but the X-ray report says I’m fine.

I’m not able to view the X-ray because none of the computers at my home, Dr’s office, or PT office have a CD drive.

The extreme pain lasted a few days- then mysteriously just let up.

**Strangely, I’ve also had a few moments when I felt like a human being in the last week.**

It’s been amazing to finally participate in some chores and some work.

After feeling human on Monday, and most of Tuesday, I suddenly crashed last night.

I was asleep by 7:30, and when I woke up this morning I knew there was no way I was working. I went to a social work appointment at 8:00 because my Medicaid has been denied, despite me submitting the reduction of hour twice.

If there were any way I could have done without that appointment I’d have gone directly back to bed.

I slept from 10:30a-3p, and I’ve spent the whole afternoon exhausted despite having slept so much. Every joint is lit up today. I couldn’t do my PT exercises, although I still tried to initiate them (and sometimes they truly help!).

The system is built to silence us.

I’m beat- but my heart is still beating.

I have some reasons for hope-

Sometimes the PT really helps
Sometimes I feel almost human (pain level under 4 for any length of time)
Sometimes I am able to participate in my life

Those do not erase the struggle.

Did I mention I get to have another tooth pulled next week?

This will be the third root canal that abscessed a few years after getting it crowned for No Reason. The crown is on well. The canals look great in the X-rays. There is No Reason for the abscess except that I have one.

They gave me the option of having surgery through the side of my face or getting the tooth pulled. Even with the surgery-it would abscess again in a few years.

At least I start a pain support group next week.

More to come on the pain group, the root canal, and figuring out how to move my body moving forward. I have big news on this front, so stay tuned!