Silence is Deafening by Protyus A. Gendher

The silence is deafening 
As it falls in empty reckoning
That breed this hypocrisy
Somehow in this struggle to survive
To stay alive
We just ignore the abuse that remains when you reach the other side
In a vacuum so timeless
I'm running out of mind
This limbo
What then though?
Detectives duct tape our mouths
So screams still can't come out
Don't you dare shout
Or even bigger punishments come out
Than the abuses you've escaped from
After years of trying to run
After years of hiding inside
Of my mind
Because my authenticity wasn't welcome on the outside
So I bit my lips shut
And put him out front
And was stuck in a maelstrom
Keeping me sucked in to this silence
Pretense
There was so little left of me
Bereft of identity
Tokens
Holding up a mask
To fool anyone who asked
"How's it going?"
"Oh, you know, the struggle is real."
I mean, who has time for how I'm actually feeling?
When I let the inconveniences fall from my mouth it sends them reeling
How unappealing
And I tried to get away, and I tried to just "Let Him,"
And I longed for a day when I would be allowed to forget him
But the script was reinforced by everyone who still had access
My words ignored, like they hadn't been said, when I deviate from this praxis
All while trying to navigate capitalist taxes
In a body that can't stand this
In a body that doesn't care what the excuse is
Can't gaslight your health into accepting abuses
Since I couldn't get away
I ate to numb the pain
As he grew meaner and more creative in his control to make me stay
I couldn't see a way out
I couldn't find the right words
To convince him that we're people
Who don't deserve this hurt
But my words and needs have no worth
So I attempted my redaction
Because I couldn't find an action
Or a word to set me free
So I wanted to stop being
Look, I'm glad it didn't work
And I didn't leave my child
But we were both stuck in a life
That felt like we were on trial
And I couldn't even spend time
With my grown up kid
Even though they live upstairs
And bought the house we live in
I could see it all happening, 
But so much of it stayed hidden.
Then I found out he did something forbidden
And even though
I know how this goes
Because I have an insider's pass to the front row
I did what's required
Which is an abuse intensifier
They ask all sorts of questions
And dig everything up
Then they threaten you so you'll sit still and shut up
While he runs his mouth to everyone
My therapist says it's good I didn't die
She says this life needs me, and that I matter inside
But really, that's bullshit, because I still have to hide.