Man Hating – Gender in the 90s
In case you weren’t there, or have forgotten, the battle of the sexes really ramped up in the 90s. Men doubled down on ideas about their rightful place. Women continued to try to prove that they were people too. Everyone pretended that transgender and intersex people didn’t exist (kinda like now). The Cult of the Ego was rockin’ it!
It was frustrating.
Popular media, such as comedy, commercials, and music, all paint a picture of the gender landscape of their time. These are the SCRIPTs of the time.
If I were to characterize gender dynamics in the 90s, I would begrudgingly admit that the comedy of Tim Allen was all too close to true.
In the 90s, women were told that they were not fit to run the world, but the people who were fit to run the world couldn’t figure out how to work a toilet seat. All the while, we were all being told that sexism was a thing of the past.
Mom had been raised to be exceptionally competent in a world that acts like anyone without a penis is somehow defective. She had always done “men’s work,” even though she did not get paid the same as her male counterparts, and she was always under greater scrutiny with less support.
Mom always said “Why does it take a woman half the time to do the job? Because she did it right the first time.”
After Dad died, she really just turned on men as a whole. She lost patience for pretending that it was acceptable for men to behave without consideration or compassion toward the people in their lives.
Mom had lived through catering to her brothers, and having to prove herself. She endured all of the accusations that she must be a dyke, just because she performed manual labor.
Take a little stroll with me, back in time.
People still expected the word “obey” to show up in wedding vows. It was considered a given that she would take his last name, and give up her career once she started having children.
Men made a pretty big deal about all of the concessions they were making.
Young boys were taught to lust after “hot girls,” and treat them like objects.
As a matter of fact, our current president was on record in the 90s talking about gender.
So it’s no wonder that 90s feminism produced a counternarrative
This counternarrative took aim at presumed competence.
The most bold among us made waves by taking on “strong independent woman” roles. They were free from the strict confines of gender. Comedy truly is an incredible platform for paradox.
Wanda Sykes was even playing a straight woman back then. Even in pushing the boundaries, there were still limits.
Mo’nique made people deal with a woman being as unapologetic about power as a man. It stood out.
Even George Carlin sided with the feminists.
By 1995, there was no doubt that women were feeling pretty comfortable being just as sexist as men.
Thinking back on it, I think the man that Mom truly hated was Grandpa, but she was not allowed a voice there. If he rattled the ice in his glass, and there wasn’t someone else around she outranked, she would still jump to go fill it, without question.
I also think that she was very angry at Dad for leaving her all alone to live in the mess he made. He was supposed to be her forever. He was her second chance. He was the glue that was meant to mend our broken family.
She was angry at a world that made it so she had to attend a sit in at her high school to get the right to wear pants. She lived in a world where you were either your father’s property, or if you were very lucky, you would become the property of someone you love, and who loves you in return.
Every time that failed, she became Grandpa’s property again. She was trapped by men’s poor decision, in a system designed by men, to serve men.
By the time I was 13, Mom was in full man-hater mode. Grandpa was off limits, and so was my brother but everyone else was fair game.
Mom tormented my favorite aunt’s husband (who had once been roommates with Dad). She was constantly telling him how dumb he was and making jokes at his expense.
We got points if we repeated those jokes that she was so proud of. We got extra points for providing original material.
My cousin was also consistently on the receiving end of her vitriol.
I must admit that I got really into it in my early teen years. Admittedly I grew up in this system of oppression as well. I went to school where boys got away with everything, and girls were blamed all of the time. I knew my life didn’t really matter, because I was here for some man I didn’t even know.
I knew that the oppression of that system would keep me one way or another, and it was easy to just blame men, and hate them.
It gave us a place to put all of those big feelings that we never dealt with.
Survivor Literacy 
What do you think?