The First Month
These ideas are so much better Shared!!
What to expect- The First Month
Each week comes with a new exercise that should include every member of the family. The first two weeks, you’ll focus on building a foundation for a nontoxic home. In week three, you’ll take on a specific toxic behavior, and practice reducing the behavior. In week four, you’ll work to increase positive behaviors.
Before you begin, get journals for all family members who are capable of journaling. Everyone will need private space to sort through their experiences, feelings, and outcomes. They will also need space to record data, brainstorm, and problem solve.
Toxicity Toolkit Journals are private. Nobody has to disclose their reflections to anybody else. You will use your journals for some group work, but what is shared from it is up to you.
You should also be warned that even in families where everyone says they want to remove the toxicity from their family interactions, there will be resistance. Remember that resistance comes from having something to lose in reducing the toxicity. Also remember that resistance is proof of the toxicity and the need to remove it from your healthy home.
This part’s important!
One final note before we begin: Be prepared to discover that you exhibit far more toxic traits than you think. The power of the Toxicity Toolkit is that it gives everyone in the family or group the autonomy and tools to combat toxicity. We are all participants.
Before you begin, be willing to confront your own toxicities. Be willing to hear from others how your behavior affects them. By modeling for them how to receive this information, examine yourself, and change your behaviors, you will be empowering them to do the same.
It will hurt 😦
It stings when we are called out about our behaviors.
Here we work very hard to create a safe, gentle atmosphere for rennovating our interpersonal relationships. It still stings to hear that we’ve been toxic. It still stings to realize we cause others discomfort.
It’s completely freeing to discover that in the place of that discomfort we can experience the deep, rich, meaningful relationships that we deserve.
Begin with Introspection
Whether you’ve decided to detoxify your life for yourself, or if someone has asked you to undertake this journey, I recommend beginning with some deep introspection.
Think about your relationships. Are they everything you want them to be, or are they good enough?
Before you begin, ask yourself the big question.
How am I contributing to the toxicities in my relationships?
If you’ve just dismissed this, disregarded it, and think that you have nothing to work on, you are probably contributing to the toxicity in your relationship. (Yes, even if you’re convinced that ALL of your relationships are COMPLETELY healthy).
If you see no toxic behaviors in yourself,
If you don’t regularly hold YOURSELF accountable for transgressions against others,
You might be the SOURCE of toxicity.
If you’re unwilling to do anything about it, it may be for many reasons, that are complicated to understand. Is it because you’re unwilling to loosen the control you gain from maintaining toxic behaviors, or because you’re embarrassed?
If someone’s asked you to detoxify your relationship with them, and you refuse, you’re sending them a message, and they WILL hear it.
If you’re truly not participating in the toxicity of your relationships, or if you believe there is none, what’s the harm in taking on a program to strengthen your relationships, improve communication, and bond with those you love?
If someone has asked you to take this on, examine the idea that THEY experience your toxicities, even if you can’t see them.
This program strives to create a safe, understanding space, for transformation and growth. You deserve to grow and heal, and so do those around you. I implore you not to dismiss them, because they may not know how to ask you themselves, beyond presenting you with the possibilities of this program.
It will be hard, extra hard, if you can’t see any of your toxic traits to begin with. The Toolkit is here to help you. The people around you who want to embrace the Toolkit with you, want to help you.
Now, it’s possible that you are in fact a Zen Master, who has already eradicated the toxicity from your life. Then your family needs you to help them through this journey too.
All I’m saying is, if you’re feeling defensive and resistant to the idea of undertaking this program, ask yourself where those responses are coming from. Be Brave.
All perspectives and exercises on this site are the creation and property of Protyus A. Gendher. If you find, anywhere in this site, content that you find to be ableist, sexist, racist or otherwise harmful to a population, please alert the creator at protyusagendher@gmail.com.
Operation **Reclaim** Loveland 
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