Operation **Reclaim** Loveland

Daddy by Protyus A. Gendher

Daddy 
Some people only grace our lives for a moment 
Present for a second, then off they go again 
I was 8 years old when I met my dad 
My family finally looking like the ones other kids had 
I thought when he married Mom, we’d keep him forever 
Not knowing our lives can change like the weather 
Not knowing each moment should be treated as a gift 
Not knowing anything could cause such a rift 
Everyone had opinions about what family means 
All rooted in ideas of eternity 
Confusing what he was to me 
So, I was a bastard until I was 8 
But then there was a change of fate 
But everything that comes can also go 
And it only lasted a year or so 
A few short years when Mom was happy 

Before her mood turned forever crappy 
A few short years when we loved and laughed 
And shared our meals, and cuddled in laps 
A few short years when we played games 
When we spent time before the end came 
A few short years, of acceptance and belonging 
Before the end happened so wrongly 
A few short years, when I dreamed of a future 
Where he would be there to watch me mature 
It never occurred to me that we wouldn’t have time 
That possibility would reach the end of the line 
When he died, I was only ten 
I didn’t really have the time to get to know him by then 
There were so many things that I didn’t ask 
So little time to fulfill our tasks 
The severed line of our dreams and hopes 
Drifted away like an anchored rope 
Out of reach with no warning 
Waking to a shocking mourning 
here were so many things I did not understand 
About this father, husband, and man 
There were so many censored facts 
That kept my mind and memory off track 
So now I sit here seeking truth 
About the tragedy of my youth 
I know that I loved you, I know I wanted more 
I know that I wish I’d been better about doing chores 
I wish I’d loved your harder, I wish I’d held more dear 
The scarce few memories that still bring me to tears 
I wish that I had shown you, how very much you meant 
To this ten-year-old broken heart, that I’m still trying to mend 
I know that it wasn’t your fault 
Even though you took your life 
After all these years I also know 
That the fault wasn’t mine 
I have so many regrets, and I took so much for granted 
If I had only known, I would have been far more candid 
I wonder if you would be proud 
Or disgusted in me more like Mom 
Would you have been able to see my light 
Or maybe hear my song? 
Would you have known your grandkids?  
Or come to my college graduation? 
Would we have spent time healing 
In mutual meditation? 
I can’t know if you’d approve 
Of the person that I’ve become 
I don’t know how you’d feel about 
All of the things that I’ve done 
I hope you knew that I loved you 
And that I’d never stop 
I hope you knew how proud I was 
I got to call you “Pop” 
I hope you knew you changed me 
For better or for worse 
I bet that you had no idea 
How much losing you would hurt 
I hope you found the peace 
Your tortured soul was needing 
But from that day forward 
My heart continued bleeding 

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