Hyperfixation- My Best Friend And Worst Enemy
Hyperfixation, a feature of my ADHD and Autism, is complicating my experience with hypermobility syndrome.
A quick Google search teaches that:
“Hyperfixation is the immense focus on one person, activity or object and excluding or ignoring everything else. Hyperfixation involves complete dedication and absorption on a single task, where anything beyond that task is ‘tuned out.”
Google Search “Hyperfixation Definition”
(When neurodivergent people say “Google it,” this is what were asking).
This definition uses the word “task” pretty freely. I can also hyperfixate on daydreaming or anxietized overthinking. I’m much more versatile than the definition gives us credit for.
My History With Hyperfixation
When I was a child my hyperfixations manifested as daydreaming during class instruction, or getting sidetracked with a found artifact while cleaning my room.
Focusing came easily, but directing my focus took decades.
I could get lost in a project for hours- or days, (sleep isn’t always a concern when hyperfixating), and would stay lost in my interests, at the expense of all else, each until the dopamine ran out and my mind would drift to the next Hyperfixation.
I went through some very difficult circumstances, like homelessness, which taught me to prioritize my hyperfixation. As I’ve matured and gathered experiences, I’ve gotten better at directing my hyperfixations.
(For some really neat examples, check out the links at the bottom of todays post.)
I Still Struggle To Break Out Of It
Feel like your cortisol is always raging? This might be why.
I have gotten pretty good at compartmentalizing and hyperfocusing on work solutions while at work, and personal solutions outside of working errors.
I can rearrange my priorities based on urgency or importance.
What I can’t do is drop a puzzle I’m right on the brink of solving, or leaving my train of thought that is already 10 steps ahead of my hands.
find it hard to turn off my work phone to stretch and move, in case a call come in, and call waves hit without warning ALL THE TIME!!
I struggle to walk away from typing a blog post when I’ve very nearly made my point, and I just want to schedule it before my computer freezes.
Hyperfixation and Hypermobility
Hypermobility syndrome means that I have no trouble reaching a step BELOW my feet with the palms of my hands. As a result, I have no trouble itching my entire back by myself without tools.
Hypermobility also means that I have deteriorated joints with little cushion and overstretched ligaments and tendons.
The pain in my lower back is because I stay seated at work to answer emails and phone calls. Sitting for 8 hours a day, over time, has pulled my ligaments too far to where it now hurts when I sit or stand for any length of time.
The clear accommodation for this is to take breaks and move my body! Hyperfixation makes this so hard, even with alarms on my phone that annoy everyone.
This is compounded by the arthrosis that has shown up on every x-ray I’ve ever had. (Although the blood test says that I definitely DO NOT have arthritis!)
Arthrosis, like inflammation, is a trademark of hypermobility syndrome.
My joints are wrecked from a lifetime of hypermobility syndrome, and carrying around between 200-350 pounds at any given time as an adult.
My knees and back have been through decades of service work, and sitting as a student. My hands have never stopped hurting from my time as a dishwasher. My thumbs have been “jammed” for years now.
It’s getting worse, fast- hence this entire journey- and it feels once again like me being me is a liability.
Today is day 3
I woke up hurting less, and able to move more. By the end of my morning yoga, I had zaps originating from the middle of my spine, around my torso to just above my belly button. The sensation probably lingered for about 15 minutes.
My eyes have been seeing motion in patterns like watching the rail on my back porch dance this morning.
I’m doing my part.
I’m eating the way I’m supposed to. I’m moving more. I’m resting. I’m still taking at least 1 tramadol per day in addition to my regimen.
I could tell that my pain was less this morning, but that did nothing to prevent my electrical sensations, and only lasted so long.
I move when I can at work.
I take frequent bathroom breaks. I filled my cup with water 3 times (because I love this caffeine withdrawal headache that has taken up residence in my cranium). I walk to the printer, and convert my desk to a standing desk when I can.
I have a hard time leaving my desk to use the yoga balls or mat though.
I didn’t nap when I got home, because were having our 90-day home inspection from our property manager.
(Never mind that we’ve had two surgeries in our family this month. Never mind that it’s 145 days into our lease. Never mind that I’m limited, as is my 23-year-old who just had ACL surgery. Never mind that that leaves only the 7 year old to help my partner carry the whole load of preparing for the invasion- woops! I mean inspection!)
I did my afternoon yoga (with more fun zappies!) but I did not lay down and rest my body. I’ve questioned how important this part of the routine is, it turns out the rest for my back and other joints is absolutely essential.
As a result of my hypermobility and hyperfixation, my arm is lit up, my back is super grindy and sends zaps through me every time I bend to stretch it. My hip has been out of socket since half-way through my work day. My restless leg syndrome is acting up for the first time in so long, I forgot to add it to my symptoms list.
I have this rule…
Never Expect The First Time At Anything To Go Well
Expect failures, and problem solving, and learning and adapting.
It’s day 3, not day 300. Not everything has to make sense today. Not everything will make sense today.
I’m learning how my hypermobility interacts with my life. It’s complicated and changing. My body is not straightforward. If it were, I wouldn’t be a Zebra.
(My blog tells me that anxietized and hyperfixate aren’t words, but my linguistic training says that a core feature of the English language is it’s infinite generativity, so I’m keeping these words in here. See if you can guess which words in each blog post are “not real words” according to the SPELLCHECKER.)
As Promised- My other Hyperfixations
Poetry
Adam Dapus
Drag- And Performing
Adam’s Family Curiosities
Virtual Holiday Visits
The Woman Left Behind
Robyn of Hood: Social Justice Do-Gooder
My YouTube Channel
The Toxicity Toolkit
Operation **Reclaim** Loveland 
What do you think?